So everyone knows that my first year in New York was rough. I even wrote about it here! Lol after 9 months in New York, I packed my things up to head West for the summer. And it was the best summer of my life. I was so happy in Los Angeles. It’s like that city made me remember why I wanted to do what I loved to do. And that’s a problem. A city shouldn’t be able to steal or give my joy. There’s a bigger problem there. My problem wasn't with New York. I had a problem with the fear of failure. New York is hard. It’s so easy to mess up and feel like a loser. And that terrified me. I let that fear control my emotions for a year. So I had to change that. I came back to New York with a different outlook, and life has been great. I’m doing what I love, surrounded by brilliant people that I admire. 2016 taught me that I was in control of my life. I could either complain through it, or make the best of it.
I get called selfish often. *Kanye Shrugs* It doesn’t even bug me anymore. Because I’m not selfish. The word selfish carries the connotation of not caring about other people. And that’s false. I care about other people. But that doesn’t prevent me from caring about myself. We are constantly being told that we are wrong if we don’t constantly place others before ourselves. And that’s sad. If you don’t take care of yourself first, then you can’t help others. *drops mic* Flight attendants are on to something. You must wear your oxygen mask before helping someone put on theirs. If not, YOU WILL BOTH DIE. So take all of the time you need, because it is YOUR TIME. And discover yourself. Love on yourself. Figure shit out. Then continue to love on others.
People see what they want to see. That’s what I learned from the election. You can throw facts in someone’s face---and they will still only see hate. Don’t take the actions of others based on perception, personally. They can’t see through the fog. It’s ok.
This summer, someone felt the need to comment on my brand. I don’t think she meant any harm, but I still remember what she said. “Why would you label yourself a Type A Female, that’s derogatory.” *crickets* No, no its not. YOU may take offense to the name because YOU’VE experienced and allowed others to make the TYPE A FEMALE label harmful to your ego. I named my blog THE DIARIES OF A TYPE A FEMALE because I’m proud to be a TYPE A FEMALE. For years, people would say that I’m a TYPE A FEMALE to critique me. They thought it was a nice way to be shady. But I took it as a compliment. To me, being a TYPE A FEMALE is being a BOSS. It is your brand. It is your choice. 2016 taught me that everyone relates to words differently, so be mindful. But don’t allow it to dim your light.
Work hard. Plan ahead. And have a good time. When you have a win, even a small one, you are allowed to celebrate it. Buy yourself a small gift. Go out. Treat yo self! You deserve it.
As a child, my favorite relationship to learn about was the parasite and host relationship in science class. I just thought it was so interesting that an animal was slowly sucking the life out of the other. I thought that was so cool back then. But as an adult, it isn’t cool at all. Sometimes we form friendships out of love. And it starts out as love. And it’s great. But then it becomes harmful. And toxic. And dangerous. And we must leave the relationship. You can leave lethal relationships. You don’t have to put up with the bad energy. That isn’t your job. Stop telling people that they aren’t good friends unless they deal with your fuckery. That isn’t true. You have a choice. And one day you may choose that you need a fresh start, with fresh energy.
This year has been great for my career. That alone, should’ve made me ecstatic. But New York was still hard. This city is extremely lonely. I started to feel ungrateful. I mean, here I was doing everything I dreamt of. And I was unhappy. I thought it was just me. And then I spoke to two other young professionals about New York. They are both KILLING it in their fields. All of our Instagram feeds look like we’re living the life lol. But we all hated New York for the same reason. It was lonely. Once I realized that I wasn’t alone, I immediately got over it. Because I knew how to fix it. I needed to be around people that I loved and do the things that I loved more often. Success isn’t about your job title. It’s about how happy you are when you prioritize what you love.
I LOVE saying no! LOVES IT! *claps ratchetly* The word no is empowering. And for some reason, not that many people have found the power in the word yet. You are allowed to say no, don’t let others convince you that you can’t. People will make request. And those requests won’t align with your views, goals, or ethics. So say no. Maybe it isn’t that deep. Maybe you’re just tired. Say no. Maybe you just don’t want to. Say no. *snaps in Z formation. Your choice and voice matter. You have the power.
Grieving your peers is different. It’s terrifying in a different way. In 2016, I lost 5 friends. 3 to suicide. I’m not going to say much about this. It was hard. My heart not only hurt for their families, but for the pain they must’ve been feeling. We will never know what someone is really going through. In 2017, I pray that I can be more open with others. So that in return, they may just be more open with me. I don’t know. I wasn’t ready for that part of 2016. It still hurts.
*Kanye shrugs* It’s true. So this past year, I started doing stand-up. Yes, Stand-Up comedy. And…I’m funny. *flips hair* Now, in undergrad I used to tweet about how funny I was all the time. (I know, kinda obnoxious) But so many people felt the need to tell me I wasn’t funny. People who knew nothing about me. They felt the need to break down the confidence of another being. And that’s tragic. But I now realize that the hate had nothing to do with me. Haters tend to project their own insecurities on others. It has nothing to do with you. Ignore it. Don’t let it sink in. Haters will be haters will be haters.
I’m a Capricorn. An 8 on the enneagram, if you know what that is. We don’t really relate to feelings to well. *Kanye shrugs* And I never saw this as a problem. #truthbomb I didn’t think you needed to be vulnerable, to be successful. They don’t teach you that in school. It was never at the top of my list of priorities. And then life happened. And then pain happened. And then love happened. And I had these emotions that I was forced to address. And I couldn’t address them alone. Vulnerability was needed. I needed to be open, and to allow myself to connect to others. And to my surprise, LOVE came out of VULNERABILITY.
Falling in love with yourself is one of the most stunning and essential gifts you can give yourself. It’s life-changing. Your expectations and standards for others will change. Your priorities and goals will shift. You will become your biggest fan. And that’s beautiful. And that’s necessary. And that is what true love is.
It seems like 2016 was filled with a ton of hate. Allepo is still bleeding. Flint is still facing a crisis. Black Lives are still fighting to Matter. And I could go on and on. We have so much to fight for in 2017. But it has to start with love. Nothing fueled with hate shall prosper. Love is Love is Love is LOVE.
The truth is, doing what you love is a lot of work. Failure is terrifying. And settling is the easy way out. But it isn’t an option. Settling is comfortable, but far from satisfying. You can fail at what you hate, so you might as well continue to do what you love. It’s worth it.
Your happiness should be your first concern. That’s it. It is important to think about others, but to a certain extent. If continuing to “help” others is harmful to your happiness, then that is a problem. At some point, you have to “choose yourself. Always choose yourself. Your sanity and state of mind matter. You matter.
*twerks on a coffee table* I. Am. So. Happy. Life is good. It’s hard sometimes. And painful. And heart-breaking. And confusing. And angry. But it never stops being beautiful.