Days before I moved to Los Angeles for the summer, I was terrified. I couldn't catch my breath. My mind would constantly race. And I was a bit lost. In the past two years I've moved around quite a bit. I've lived in Austin, Houston, Waco, NYC, and now...Los Angeles. And some of those moves were easier than others. My move to Austin was amazing. I was so happy. It was the perfect ending to undergrad. I felt like I knew EXACTLY who I was. My move to NYC was terrifying. I lost who I was. And now, I was moving to Los Angeles. I had no idea what was to come of this adventure. I was scared. I was in fear of the unknown, and that's terrible. I'm not going to act like I have all of the answer-because I don't. But here is something I do know: If your dreams don't terrify you-then you are settling. You are selling your self short. You are choosing to never reach your full potential. It's ok to be scared before a new adventure. It's not ok to let the fear win.
This past year, I've gotten used to lonely plane rides. I've gotten used to carrying my own luggage. I've gotten used to the lonely uber rides to a new home. But what I will never get used to-is the moment of doubt I have before every trip. There comes a time where you question your choices. You start to think: Wow, I have way too much debt for this. Or-I could get a temporary job, and try this again later. Or the worst thoughts of them all: What if I don't make it? What if this isn't the path for me? What if i'm wrong? I had my moment of doubt on my plane ride from Houston. It was about 2 minutes of questioning my ability. And then- I stopped, and snapped out of it. We can't allow doubt to paralyze our progress. You're going to have enough people questioning your ability and worth. You need to be on your own side. You need to be your biggest fan. You need to believe that you can win. So go win, my loves.
When I arrived in New York, I was immediately anxious. I was nervous, and felt a bit ill. When I arrived in Los Angeles, I was at peace. I was calm. I felt safe. I'm not sure how to describe it, or what that means--but those were my feelings. There was something about landing in California that made me feel at home. And I am so happy. This post isn't just about Los Angeles. It's about finding wherever brings you peace. It's about being fearless enough to fight for your bliss. It's about taking a chance on yourself. Because all of those things will bring you peace. And what more could you want out of life?
*takes a deep breath and sucks in the pollution* Damn, this city fills me with energy. When you love where you are and what you do- you are constantly energized. You are hungry. You are seeking. You are winning at life itself. Within days of moving to Los Angeles, I felt the positive energy I needed to win here. I hope you find that drive wherever your new home may be.
Los Angeles is filled with talent. It literally oozes from every direction. Last night, I had the pleasure of seeing Ali Wong and Leslie Jones perform stand up. And let's be honest, i'm still laughing. There was something about their confidence, poise, and power that drew me to them. They both fought for their voices to matter, and refuse to conform to fit in. I was so inspired to create and be true to be nothing short of true to myself. Los Angeles will inspire you to honor your voice, and I love that. They make me want to learn. They make me want to fight. They make me want to win.
I feel like i'm supposed to be here. Be in this moment. Be in this city. Be doing this damn thing. I think this is where I'm supposed to be, and I LOVE that feeling. Los Angeles is a city that draws you in. It whispers your name seductively. And you feel like you've finally found the one. You feel like you're finally home.
I didn't get here by knowing anyone in the business. I didn't buy my way to the top. I didn't seduce my way into this scene. And I am not judging anyone else's path. I'm simple stating mine. I feel like I earned this. I feel like I worked extremely hard for this. I feel like this is where I am supposed to be. This city makes me feel like I have a gift. A gift worth working on. A gift work growing. A gift worth giving my all to. New York City made me question myself, Los Angeles has made me believe in myself. And I love that.