I strongly believe that hate comes from one's lack of understanding. We all see life through one lens. We’re used to this lens, and often refuse to acknowledge that there are other views on life. It’s difficult to remove yourself from your own perception to see someone else's. I often make the mistake of thinking that everyone is like me. I sometimes think that everyone else is loud, cocky, and outspoken. I forget that we all have different personalities, but more importantly I forget that we all face different obstacles. I believe that everyone is going through it, and that’s life. But some obstacles are more hidden than others, and those are the ones that we need to be aware of. If we become more aware of the obstacles others are facing, then we may be able to understand them. I wish for understanding.
Ewww #literallyicannot Lol we all know that I hate this word. To many, including myself, vulnerability is seen as weakness. It’s difficult to show others a weakness, but I feel like it’s needed to succeed. You can’t win in life without openness, and that’s scary. My biggest fear is that I will chase success and end up at the top alone, because I refuse to be vulnerable. Is that really success? Is being alone the life that you want? Does that really make you happy? Last year, after I directed my first pageant, I got a shady text from an ex. He said: “Congrats on your show, how does it feel not to have anyone to share success with?” For the first time I was at a loss for words. Now, he was just bitter…and a hater.*snaps in Z formation* And his words won’t make me stop chasing world domination. However, it did make me question my interactions with others. Am I cold? Am I closed off? Are others able to see the real me? And that’s the terrifying part; allowing others to see the real you. Be Fearless. Be Beautiful. Be Vulnerable. I wish for vulnerability.
I’m going to try to say this in the least cocky way possible: I’m fearless. *Kanye shrugs* I’m not scared of anything earthly, and that pisses my friends off! Lol they get annoyed that I live life without thinking about consequences. This summer I randomly moved to Austin to intern. I only had one friend there, who I only saw a total of three times the entire summer. I subleased a room in a random apartment. Now, the only problem with this was that the other rooms were frequently rented out. I had a new roommate every two weeks. I started out the summer with three female roommates, and ended it with three male roommates. I twirled through the Austin nights alone, without a care in the world. Now that I’ve had time to reflect on my choices, I can admit that they weren’t always the safest! But I loved it. And I needed to learn from it! My friends wish that I would heavily consider the consequences before I act, but I never will. I love my friend group, but I feel like they often fear life….and I will never do that! Many people fear change, when in reality the beauty in life lies in change. We are meant to grow from change. Allow yourself to grow. You need to be courageous to take over the world. *twirls* I wish for courage.
*screams* “I’m not cocky…I just LOVE myself”! LOL! Yes…..i’m a cocky one, I know this! Sometimes when people begin to compliment me, I finish the compliment for them.
Them: You have a really nice---
Me: smile? Yea I know….I mean thanks!
That’s terrible, but I’ve realized that truly loving yourself is a gift that not many are blessed with, and that’s sad. I’m constantly working with girls who aren’t confident in themselves and it breaks my heart. If you don’t love and believe in yourself, then who will? Accept how great you are. Confidence is beautiful. I wish for confidence.
My mind is constantly racing, and the thought of being stagnant gives me anxiety. I’m constantly looking for new projects to do; but is that because I love them, or is it to distract me? But….distract me from what? That’s the problem, I haven’t slowed down enough to fix my own issues. Every time I have a problem, I distract myself. My heart was shattered a few years ago, and instead of working on myself, I just drowned myself in work. My mind races because I fill it with tasks. My tasks distract me from dealing with reality. My reality is that I often avoid pain. My pain cannot be solved without a clear head. I cannot clear my head because I have tasks to complete. And so the cycle of unrest continues. I know this is a struggle that we all face, and I wish that our minds would rest so that healing can occur, and we can finally find peace. I wish for inner peace.