I feel like every girl has a soundtrack playing as she struts down the streets, it’s a must! Mine is usually a Beyoncé song, I mean it is her birthday week and whatnot. But the only song I could think of was “Welcome to New York”by Taylor Swift. The funny things is I didn’t think of Taylor while singing it, I thought of Kimmy Schmidt from the show Unbreakable…and I kinda felt like her too! I mean think about it: she was young, innocent, and energized about starting a new life in NY. So let the lights, taxi horns, and smell of polluted air soak in! Let the lights and energy fuel you...
So it took me like .5 seconds to get lost in this city. I low-key got lost in the airport. *Kanye shrugs* I arrived in NYC last Sunday, and attempted to use the Subway within a day. It took me 2 hours to get 3.4 miles away! *sighs* I just don’t understand this city enough yet. And the sad things is that when I physically get lost it’s only a matter of time until I feel emotionally lost. After the first hour and a half on the Subway I began to questions why I was there and comparing it to Houston. The truth is, that I was ridiculous to think I would be able to figure this lifestyle out within a week. So stop, don’t breathe in the air (it’s gross and it stink), and remember why you’ve moved here. It’s ok to get a little lost until you find yourself.
I’m a Type A Female in a city that I haven’t figured out how to control yet…so yes I feel ill! Its day 7 and I’m both physically and emotionally drained. My eyes are sore from the tears that I fought to hold back…and I never cry. This city is so fast-paced that it’s easy to get motion sickness when you’re standing still. So own it, then get over it. Cry about the craziness…then move on.
Honestly, I am terrified. This city is scary. The idea of moving across the country to chase my dreams with hundreds of thousands of others that are doing the same thing, scares me. And the thing is that you can’t show fear here. The city can smell it. The city can smell your doubt and insecurities so you have no choice but to face them.
I began regretting my decision to move out here almost instantly. I was leaving my older sister and mother, and my little sister just started her undergrad, so financially it wasn’t the smartest thing to do for my family. I loved Texas, I ran Texas. I was able to walk into any room or bar and own the room confidently because I knew and trusted who I was. But the truth is I love who I am now, but I know I will not be the same after this journey and I have to accept that. I have to be ok with evolving. I have to be ok with change. And I can’t live my life thinking what if I stayed in Texas because Texas was comfortable. Nothing great comes from being comfortable. I need pressure to develop into a diamond. And what queen hates diamonds? *twirls* You only regret things you weren’t brave enough to try. So be brave…
So 2 days ago, I was on the verge of tears on my Subway ride back to my hotel room. Finding housing was ridiculous and I felt alone. I had my mother with me and I was constantly surrounded by people(,) but I’ve never felt so alone. And then I heard it, there was a guy about three seats down and who pulled out his guitar and started singing a song. I guess it was an original, but it was about a girl he loved that he had to work for because she was so great. And then it clicked. I am surrounded by driven and hungry people, and I literally have to fight for my dream. I have to be able to put myself out there and own who I am. I have to be able to adapt to different setting and let my personality, my brand shine. I have to let this concrete jungle inspire me.
There are hundreds of thousands of people who are in New York, it’s actually quite gross. But you can’t help but to feel as if you have been chosen to be here. You have been chosen to experience life here. You have been chosen to grow here. So do just that, allow yourself to change and grow. And be grateful that you were courageous enough to accept that challenge.