Y’all, this post was meant to be out weeks ago. *shakes heads in shame* I tend to put off things that may be important to me, when I have a lot on my plate. And that’s silly.I find peace in blogging, and the fact that I've put it on the back burner is disappointing. I feel like we tend to procrastinate on our dreams-because we see them as just that. Dreams. We see them as ideas that aren’t real, therefore they can easily be forgotten or pushed aside. So here are a few things I've procrastinated on. Maybe if i’m honest someone will hold me accountable and call me out.
A)I need to find a way slow down. I think too much. I need to invest in figuring out what really makes me happy, and committing to it at least once a week. I can’t procrastinate on my well-being.
B) I put off trips home. There is no reason that I shouldn’t visit Texas every 3 months. My family is there, and they are so important to me. There’s only so much life you can share on a phone call, and I don’t want to miss out on monumental moments.
C)I need to invest more time into my site. I love The Diaries of a Type A Female. It’s my baby. I need to spend more time nourishing this brand.
I graduate with my Master’s Degree in 59 days. *pageant girl waves into a Beyonce hair flip* But with that accomplishment, comes a set of uncertainties. I’m constantly asking myself-now what? Do I take a chance on this career that was nothing more than a dream a few years ago, or do I play it safe and use my education to find stability. We’ve been conditioned to always have a back-up plan. And that’s great. That’s safe. That’s what you’re supposed to do. But I feel like we get too comfortable, and choose to settle for our back-up before we fight for our dreams. Because settling will always be easier than fighting, but never as fulfilling. The thought of bragging to a future generation of dreamers about what I could’ve been, makes me sick.
Confession: When i’m stressed out, I am a petty, petty, Betty. *Kanye Shrugs* It really is a problem. I get frustrated over things that I can’t control, then get angry over things that don’t really matter. Last week, I focused all of my energy on dirty dishes. I convinced myself that was what was really bugging me. When in reality, the uncertainty of my future was freaking me out. I don’t know where i’ll be working in a few months. I don’t know what state I’ll be living in. I don’t know what is the best move for both my career and happiness. I write a lot about how others will project their insecurities on you, and it’s disgusting. There’s always a story behind projection. There’s always fear behind it. And that’s terrifying.
For the last few years, I’ve lived out of suitcases. I’ve traveled from coast to coast to chase my dreams, and I love that. But when you move so frequently, It’s hard to find and develop real connections. I often joke about NYC as being the city of isolation, because we’re all alone. Many of us didn’t migrate here with groups of friends. We came with our dreams alone. And there’s something so beautifully painful about that. I love the idea of being focused, but isolation isn’t healthy. It’s hard to make friends in the city, but the longer i put it off the more i'm missing out. I shouldn’t have to be alone, to feel like i’m working extremely hard. There is no correlation between isolation and success.
I have a bad habit of putting friendships last. It’s true. I don’t answer enough phone calls. I don’t text back. And I don’t pick up warning signs fast enough. In 2016, 5 of my friends passed away. And they were good people. They were beautiful people. They were kind, and caring, and loyal. That should’ve been a wake up call. I can go years without checking in one people, and that just won’t cut it anymore. In the past, I've written about how I ended a friendship with one of my best friends. She changed. She allowed things to happen that I couldn’t support or root for. She chose a new life over those who were loyal to her. I’’ve thought about our friendship a lot lately, And my pride has stopped me from reaching out. If anything were to happen to her, my heart would break. I just want to check in. I want to make sure she’s ok. I want to make sure that she is happy with this life that she’s chosen. And I will be happy for her, because that’s all that I have left. Hate is such a waste of time.
I’m a dreamchaser. Always have been. Always will be. #iaintsorry However, I need to grow up a bit. I need to think before I drop everything and move across the country. My impulsiveness terrifies my family and friends. I have friends that don't know what city or state i’m in. I just believe that you have to act on opportunities. I didn’t come from a neighborhood where shots in entertainment were in surplus. So when one arrives, I act quickly. I make my decision instantly. And then I figure out the rest when needed. So far its worked out in my favor. But maybe, for my loved one’s sake, i’ll slow it down a bit. I’ll have a plan before the plane lands.
Forbes 30 Under 30 is a goal of everyone i’ve surrounded myself with in NYC. And I LOVE THAT! * Diddy Bops* However, I’ve noticed that we are constantly comparing our journeys to those who have made the list. I constantly find myself asking: What was Issa Rae doing at my age? Am I doing enough? Am I creating enough? Am I enough? *sighs* We cannot continue to compare our paths to the destinations of others. No two paths are identical, they aren’t meant to be. You have no idea what your role model really had to go through to make it. Stop doubting your present, because of the fear of your future. Cheer up, buttercup. You’re gonna rule the world one day. But you can’t do that while trying to live someone else’s life.
You either love me or you hate me. * Kanye Shrugs* That’s it. *drops mic* In undergrad, it used to bug me that some of Black Baylor didn’t understand me. There was a part of me that yearned for their support. When in reality, I never needed it.I’m extremely happy with everything I’ve accomplished over the last few years, and that’s all that should matter. I don’t need confirmation on how hard i’ve worked from those that aren’t vital to my life or career. And let’s be honest, you will NEVER catch a hater doing better than you.#facts *nods head in confirmation* So be the best you that you can be.Chase your dreams. Be true to your word. Love effortlessly. Be good to people. And change the world. The rest is irrelevant.