In September, I picked up all of my things and moved from Houston to NYC. If you’ve followed my blog, then you know it was a rocky-but beautiful experience. I’m Type A Female. I plan everything out. I know when, where , and why I want everything to happen. Type A’s don’t get lost….right? #girlplease WRONG! I can honestly say that I’ve never been so lost in my life-and it was a beautiful nightmare. The Type A in me was constantly fighting for control, while the human-side of me recognized the stunning evolution. When you choose to change, you will get lost. When you choose to chase your dreams, you will get lost. When you choose to bet on yourself, you will get lost. It’s your job not to focus on the chaos, but on the beautiful journey of finding your way back. And I’m telling you from experience, it’s a beautiful ride. *twirls for your stunning voyage*
Every time I move to another city, I have a moment of doubt. It’s never while I’m packing, or on the plane ride there. It isn’t while I’m saying goodbye to my loved ones, on taking a lonely uber ride to my new home. It’s the second night alone. There’s something about how quiet it is, that finally makes it click. I don’t realize the magnitude of the leap I’ve taken, until I’m already there. And when the room is silent, is when your fears scream the loudest. You are forced to face who you really are when you’re alone, and that’s ok.Get to know yourself. Not the selfie-taking, contoured version of yourself. The real you. The dirty you. The unfiltered, hair-tied, chilling with no make-up on you. Listen to your soul. Hear your spirit cry, and heal yourself before your mission of world domination. Demolish your demons, my love. We need you to be at your best before battle.
I’m a really difficult friend to keep. *Kanye Shrugs* I’m going to be honest: I’m not the best listener. I get caught up in my own dreams. I forget to call. I never text back. I’m really bad with hugs. I don’t always have the right thing to say. And the list can go on and on. I’m pretty honest with the friends that I do have. They know about all of my shortcomings, and they’ve accepted it. They’ve accepted the fact that I will be their biggest cheerleader, once I finally realize they need one. They know that I don’t mean to miss birthdays and graduations, my traveler spirit just takes me elsewhere. They know that I may not always show it, but I love them. When you take a bet on yourself, life gets crazy. You’re constantly trying to keep your head above water. You are constantly trying to keep up. And when you’re constantly going, some may feel left behind. I’m honest enough to know that I need to do better. I need to show the ones that I love, that I do love them. I’m just not there yet, and when I get there-you will know.
There’s going to come a point where you question yourself. You’re going to over-analyze and self-doubt. You’re going to overhear that little demon on your shoulder whispering nothing but ugly insecurities. And you’re going to lose a few battles. *reaches in to give you a type a, love-bug, filled hug* And it’s ok my sister. Cry it out. Scream it out. Then Twirl it out. You have to allow yourself to feel the pain to get through it. So get through it, then get back in formation.
I will never have to ask myself “what-if”. You will never have to tell your future great-grandchildren about how you could’ve been a star. You will never doubt the road you’ve chosen. Because you’ve chosen yourself. So flip your hair boo, you're doing the damn thing.
Before I left Texas, I knew exactly who I was. Hell, EVERYONE knew exactly who I was. And I loved that. I worked for that. It was easy. But then I chose to take a chance, and move to a city filled with Amira’s. Have you ever had to compete against yourself? It’s terrifying. So I got lost for a bit, I couldn’t figure out who I was when I was surrounded with different versions of myself. I couldn’t decide if I need to conform to who others were, of fight for the things that made me Amira. But when I finally decided to choose myself, I didn’t know who that was anymore. So I went on the most beautiful journey of self-discovery. I know what I want now. I know what makes me happy. I know what I will take, and what I won’t. And I know that all of those facts may change and evolve. And now, I know that is ok. Change is a huge part of self-exploration. So allow yourself to change. #i’mstillme #justme2.0
*claps ratchetly* Yaaassss for growth! #yesbooyes I literally feel like I’m two years past my big chop, and my curls are flourishing. When you bet on yourself, your growth game is on fleek. You will literally transform before your eyes. You are stronger now than ever before. You not only think you can do this, you know. Take a second and appreciate your progress, and know that I am rooting for you. I am rooting for you to take over the world. I am rooting for you to win.
*leans in to blow type a female fairy-dust into your ear* Betting on yourself is just choosing yourself. And to choose yourself…you have to love yourself. I’m not talking about any ordinary 2000’s love song kind of love. I’m not talking about a meaningless Tinder relationship kind of love. I’m referring to the head over heels, can’t stop won’t stop, not just crazy, or dangerously, but DRUNK IN LOVE. I’m talking about that Jason Mraz, I won’t give up on love. I’m talking about the type of love that Kanye has with…himself! You need and deserve to be that recklessly in love, with yourself. So congratulations. You’re taking a chance on yourself. You’re now rooting for yourself. You are now placing all of your bets, on yourself. You are now trusting and loving yourself..unconditionally. And that is so freaking beautiful. *snaps and twirls for you*
I don't allow people to bring negative energy into my life. *Kanye Shurgs* Period. Point blank. Sip your freaking margarita for the shade hunny. I just don't do it. When people attempt to throw shade-I set them straight. When you are confident enough to chase your dreams, it intimidates others. I get that. What I don't get is the need to bring others down. I have absolutely no problem with telling people i'm hilarious...and that bugs people. I understand that others may feel the need to project their insecurities, but not in this direction. #swervehoney