We’re in our 20’s. We’re allowed to be selfish. We’re allowed to be a little reckless. And we’re allowed to choose ourselves…constantly. Every time I say this, I get an email about how selfish I must be. And that’s the furthest thing from the truth. I’m not selfish. The word selfish carries the connotation of not caring about others. And that’s not true. I just also care about myself…a lot. And there is nothing wrong about that. Choosing yourself, and putting your own needs first isn’t selfish, it’s self-care. You need to care for yourself as much as you care for others. And I don’t know when it became taboo to treat yourself about yourself, but that’s whack! So if you want to move across the country, do it. If you want to change careers, do it. If you want to change your life, do it. Do what is going to make you happy. I’m not saying other people don’t matter---I’m saying that you do too!
I LOVE saying no! *drops mic and twirls* I feel like people underestimate how powerful the word NO-really is. For some reason, many people feel that they have to say yes. Say yes to taking on more than they can handle. Say yes to constantly putting the needs of others-before themselves. Say yes-to putting themselves last. And there it is. The problem that I have with “yes” people. Why do you think the needs of another person-are more important than your own? You’re allowed to say no without feeling guilty.
A couple of my friendships have ended since I’ve moved. And the truth is-I’m not torn up about them ending. At all. *Kanye shrugs* I don’t regret leaving Texas, but those friendships didn’t collapse over proximity. It was much deeper than that. It’s ok to end unhealthy relationships and connections. You don’t have to stay, and it is NOT your job to change another person. Don’t apologize for leaving. You have every right to.
In some ways, I feel like NY has silenced me. And that’s weird. It’s viewed as the one place where everyone can be themselves. So I know it’s not the city-it’s my reaction to the city. You see, everyone is so talented, creative, and driven. So sometimes it’s hard to speak up. And because of this-I haven’t voiced my opinions as much. And that freaks me out. If you know me at all, you know that I’m not one to be shy. Or quiet. Or boring. So I’m gonna work on that. Here are a few opinions that I haven’t shared in awhile:
i.I try not to judge individuals on their political affiliations. But if you’re voting for Trump-I’m judging you. I’m judging you real hard.
ii.Every time someone mentions feminism, I feel the need to ask them if they believe in Intersectional Feminism.
iii.Leaving Texas was one of the best choices I’ve ever made. NY has been difficult, but it was needed
iv.If you hate on Beyoncé---I don’t trust you.
I need to get used to openly saying what’s on my mind again. I’m allowed to have an opinion. And I refuse to apologize for it.
Stop apologizing for being great. Stop apologizing for winning. Stop apologizing for getting something that others wanted. That isn’t your fault. You can’t blame yourself for accomplishing something you worked for. Stop dulling your shine to make others feel better. You’re allowed to celebrate your wins. I get a TON of shade from my peers for liking myself; and to be completely transparent… I don’t give a DAMN. *flips hair* I don’ think it’s my job to make others feel comfortable about something that has NOTHING to do with them. So the next time you win, celebrate it. Twirl in public. Treat yo self. Because you can. Because you deserve it. Because you’ve earned it.
Sometimes-I apologize when other people bump into me. And it’s disgusting. *sighs into a facepalm* This summer, I interned with a fellow Type A Female badass, she reminded me that I should never apologize for taking up space. I’ve heard that many times before, but for some reason it clicked when she said it. I think we’re taught at a young age that apologizing makes you the nice person. But we were never taught that you are not always to blame. You shouldn’t have to apologize for living. For moving. For being yourself. For loving and appreciating the skin that you are in. For loving who you love. You shouldn’t have to apologize for being yourself. And if someone has a problem with you for “taking up space”-then please realize that it has more to do with their own insecurities than you at all.
Recently, a guy I used to date decided it was time for him to share his thought on my life. *rolls eyes* He said that I expected too much. *begins to cry from laughing so hard* #literallyicannot He felt that we would’ve worked out if I didn’t “want too much.” #BOYBYE lol I couldn’t even take that conversation seriously. *clears throat so that every scrub can hear me* I AM NOT APOLOGIZING FOR WANTING MORE! Why would I do that? Oh wait, did he expect ME to…SETTLE?!? #ohhellnaw You are allowed have expectations, and if people don’t meet those expectations---you are allowed to distance yourself. It may hurt. But it’s true. Don’t lower your standards to make others feel more comfortable.
Love is fickle af. Feelings grow as fast as they diminish. So don’t be afraid to jump in, but don’t forget that you are free to jump out at any moment. Don’t apologize for the way you feel. As Selena always said, “the heart wants what it wants.”