This one is hard. When you ask for advice, you're expecting another person to put themselves in your shoes-but many don't. Most people give you advice based on the expectations and limitations they set for themselves...and that sucks. Their advice reveals more about their insecurities than your life. Jay Z's uncle told him that there was no way he would be better than LL Cool J. Ashley Graham was constantly denied by people before even meeting them. People told Michelle Obama that she was reaching too high. Don't let other's disguise their fears and insecurities as advice. You don't want to be like anyone else. You don't want to live the life someone else is living. So why ask them their opinions on important life decisions. Why ask them to comment on a life they aren't living?
You can't believe in yourself, if you don't love yourself. You can't accept love-until you love yourself. You can't thrive-until you love yourself. And i'm not talking about a basic pop song, flavor of the week kind of love. I'm talking about that Adele Rolling In The Deep kind of love, the way Kanye loves himself, that Drunk in Love marital status twerk worthy kind of love... with YOURSELF! I just need you to be your own biggest fan. And don't let anyone else convince you otherwise. There's something so beautiful and strong about rooting for yourself. #treatyoself
My life is a mess, and people keep giving me compliments on it. *drops mic* No seriously, sometimes I have to eat peanut butter out of the jar for dinner---so it makes me laugh when someone says that I have it together. But i'm NOT supposed to have it together! I'm supposed to be chasing my dreams. I'm supposed to be figuring out what I want in my life. I'm supposed to be on a journey of self-discovery.
*twerk. twerk. hair flip.** twerk. twerk. hair flip*. Stop apologizing for being who you are. *claps ratchetly* Don't change to make others comfortable. My name is Amira. I love Beyonce, blogging, and i'm funny af. I'm loud, opinionated, and not afraid to let you know when you've crossed the line. And I will never apologize for any of the above. Don't apologize for who you are. Don't apologize for who you love. And sure as hell don't aplogize for the way you wear your hair. Stop apologizing for being true to your heart. #stopthat
It's true. People change people. To be honest, I think it's beautiful, when it's done correctly. It can be so inspiring. And pure. And touching. But it could also be heartbreaking. Soul-crushing. And chaotically painful. We are meant to learn from each other. We are meant to grow with each other. We are here to impact each other's lives. So yes, I've met people who have changed my outlooks on life, love, and what it means to be free. I'm constantly rediscovering who I'm meant to be. And I think that is what life is all about.
Another Person's Happiness.
Stop choosing other people over your happiness. That's sweet, but dangerous. Your happiness matters. Your voice matters. You matter. So stop putting yourself last. When will you realize that you are just as important as those around you? My close friends say: Amira only does what Amira wants to do. And they're right.There is power and freedom in saying no.
I need you to read this next one in your world dominating, hair flipping, ground stomping, Beyonce/Rih Rih/Nicki voice. You are enough. I don't know who tried to tell you that you weren't---but shut that ish down. It's time that we loved ourselves as much as we love others. I'm talking about the way Kanye loves Kanye-type of love. You work hard. You are a good person. You are Enough, and you deserve to be happy.
This summer I learned what a Hotep was...and it changed my life. For years, I've been disgusted by beings that claim to support the movement-but bash black woman. That's not how it works. You don't get to police my body and how I choose to use it. You don't get to belittle and undermine me. You don't forget me. So yes, Hoteps are whack.
Shonda Rhimes has help. Remember that. That is all, carry on.
A good friend of mine recently quit her job because it was mentally and emotionally draining. *snaps and twirls for her* Check out her story in Choosing Yourself Over A Job.
Toxic jobs are just as horrible as toxic friends. I understand---we all need money to survive. But at what point is a paycheck more important than your happiness?
About a year ago, I ended a long friendship. I wrote about it in "To My Ex Best-Friend, 8 Things I Wish You Knew." It's sad, but that friendship had to end. It was passive aggressive. It was insincere. And it wasn't pure. Mutual friends often criticize me for ending that friendship so abruptly---but it had to end. That friendship was toxic. I literally have no idea who that person is anymore. And it isn't my job to be someone's punching bag. You are allowed to cut people off. *cuts it*
Race, Sex, And Rape Culture.
The older you get, the more you realize that your friends from high school were racist. Or sexist. Or both. Recently, the school I attended for undergrad has been dragged for hiding and ignoring rape cases. And to that I say #yaaaaaassss. Because it is finally time for the truth to come out. I foolishly got on Twitter and saw many "friends" attempting to defend the school and the accused---instead of protect the survivors. And that's disgusting. If you think a sport is more important than someone's life then you're not only wrong---you're a part of the problem. The moment you make a comment about the survivor and what she/he could've done to prevent it----you are a part of the problem. If you blame alcohol instead of the attacker---then you are the problem. I think it's about time we started to talk more about race, identity, sex, and rape culture. Maybe then I won't have to mute so many of y'all when a headline hits.
I'm one of the most awkward butterflies you'll ever meet. *kanye shrugs* I'm just weird, I can't really explain it. The other day, I was uncomfortable around people I had known for years. When I left Houston, I lost touch with a lot of them and it made me anxious to see everyone again. But my awkwardness isn't subtle. I twitch. And sweat. And giggle. And then I forget to breathe. I'm pretty sure they all thought I was on something. Nope. That's just me....trying to figure out friendship.
The idea that we were all supposed to go to school, then immediately get married and have kids used to give me panic attacks. People would speak of it like it was the only option---like it was the end goal. And it's not. Dogma "is a belief that is accepted by the members of a group without being questioned or doubted." It's basically accepting something as a fact without doing your research. It's the idea of doing things because we think we're supposed to. Nothing great ever comes from doing what we're supposed to do. Normal things happen to normal people. And no one wants to be normal.
Whether you win, lose, or draw people are going to talk about you. So you might as well give them something to live for honey. *snaps in Z formation* In undergrad, I overheard someone talking mess about me in the bathroom. I was right next to her, and she didn't even realize that it was me. '11 Amira would've gone off on her, but '15 Amira held the door open for her and told her to have a great day. Some people just need something to hate on. But ask yourself: have you EVER seen a hater doing better than you? You're winning! *Beyonce hair flip*
When I first moved to NY I wasn't myself at all. I didn't fit in, and I was was desperately trying to. And that shit was disgusting. *snaps in Z formation* I literally felt like I was drowning in the shallow end of a pool filled with designer brands and hipster wannabes. I couldn't take it. I had to reset, and find Amira again. I had to find and use my voice. I had to make NY accept me-and not conform to my surroundings. And i've never been happier.
I've lost 3 friends this year. 3. And they were all such beautiful people. And i'm not just saying that because I knew them. What I mean was they were too sweet, too pure, and too nice for most of this world. Every death was sudden and unexpected. And each death made me want to be better to other people. Because they were better Sidne taught me that everyone goes through so much in life but that isn't a reason to be bitter. Carlos taught me that not everyone is intimidated by your confidence. Danielle taught me that you affect the lives of others without even realizing it. It's been a really long year. My heart broke 3 times this year. Love on those around you. Let them know how they've changed your life.
Apology That You Must Forgive.
Recently, I got an apology from The Chameleon (read previous post), the first person to ever break my heart. It was years later, and the damage was already dealt with. It was nice to have, but it wasn't necessary. I forgave him before I got an apology because I had to move on.I couldn't wait on another being to realize their wrongdoings---or the healing process would never begin. And you want to heal---because after the healing process comes world domination. *grabs tiara*
I hate Facebook memories. It's like a you keep tagging me in #flashbackfriday photos after i've blocked you. I don't want to see the song lyrics I posted when that one guy broke my heart. I don't want to see the slighted opinion I used to have on the lives of others. I don't want to be reminded of that bad haircut I used to rock. Let's just act like it never happened.
Remember when we all used to be excited about not caring about other people. *face palms* That was so gross of us. Why would we celebrate the lack of love and purity in our hearts. You're allowed to love others. You allowed to fall in love. You're allowed to fall out of love. You're allowed to have and show feeling. You're a human---not a robot. Love freely. Be pure.
I'm going to be 24 soon. That's gross, isn't it? *throws tantrum* Can I still mess up? Will I still mess up? OMG will my licence finally be horizontal?? #QTNA
Wahhhhh it's so hard. And it's the basic things that make it difficult--like going to the post office. I hate the post office. It brings out the worst in people. I went to the post office the other day, and I left questioning humanity. But the great thing about adulting is the wine that you are now legal enough to drink. So drannkk up. Cheers to responsibility.
I will forever stand up for the underdog. I will forever speak on Intersectional Feminism and Police Brutality. I will forever dodge hoteps, and continue to speak the truth. I will always strive to learn more about the indigenous and aboriginal fight for equality. I will forever bring up the 200 missing girls in Nigeria, and those affected by the fighting in Syria. The other day, a friend from high school made a post declaring her feminism. Which I applaud---but I had to ask the infamous question: Intersectional or Nah? In no way will ever try to belittle your opinion, but I think we're meant to learn from each other. And if your idea of feminism does not include and address women of color, then it isn't truly equality. We have a voice for a reason, it's time we used it.